I have a love/hate relationship with gratitude. I have been told that when you are grateful, good things just happen to you. I have been advised to keep a gratitude journal as it will help me to find direction in my life. I have even gone so far as to advise others to do the same. Did I really believe it would help? No. I was a fraud. I wanted to believe it would, but didn’t really trust that it would.
I feel like I’m not allowed to say this -that I didn’t see the benefit in being grateful. I wouldn’t actually admit that to anyone though. How can a Tarot reader who claims to be connected with Universal Energy not even understand the benefits of being grateful? It’s a well-known concept to bring peace and happiness into your life. I do think I have come to realize why I am so resistant to being grateful.
I was working on a course I bought from Christy Marie Sheldon called ‘Unlimited Abundance’. This is a course that focuses on recognizing and destroying personal blocks to abundance. Gratitude and being grateful comes up again and again. I noticed myself becoming more irritated and distancing myself from the course material. I suddenly realized that I believed being grateful was the same as giving away my personal power.
I certainly didn’t want to do that. I am working so hard at empowering myself to continually grow and develop that giving away my power through gratitude for something outside of myself seemed contradictory. Through meditation and talking with my husband, I realized that I learned very young that I wasn’t worthy of what I received and therefore should be grateful that I am loved at all. Now, my parents did the best they knew how. I sincerely believe that. It wasn’t at all what I needed but it was all they had to give me. I wonder if perhaps they felt the same way and that is why they instilled the same message in me.
As a result, my relationship with gratitude was confusing. I sincerely believed that being grateful was the same as accepting that I wasn’t worthy of what I was trying to be grateful for. So, the more my self-confidence grew, the more I hated gratitude. However, my husband helped me put a different spin on gratitude. He suggested that I only be grateful for things that I had a hand in creating. Such as, my house. I love my home. I love the way I decorated it and created it to be a loving, safe harbour for my children. I worked very hard to make that happen. I can be grateful for how it turned out and recognize that I had a part in that. That feels much more empowering.
I am somewhat hopeful that I can change my relationship with gratitude now that I have come to this realization. I also hope that my experience can help others to understand how to use gratitude for empowerment. It’s still something I must work at, but I feel more at peace about it now. I might even start an empowering gratitude journal now.
About The Author: Morgan Simons is a practising Spiritual healer who uses Tarot readings to provide guidance, insight and empowerment. Born in Canada and now living in England with her husband and children she is widely travelled, having experienced and teachings from a variety of Spiritual paths, allowing her to develop her natural ability to connect with Spiritual energy. Morgan is a certified Tarot reader of Biddy Tarot and the Tarot Association of the British Isles. Learn more about what she has to offer at www.purplepagetarot.com
*artwork courtesy of Elizabeth Yelland http://the100dayproject.com/elizabethyelland/